“So. Where have you been?”

“Wha? Uh, hi. Hi there, honey. Gee, you waited up. That’s so sweet.”

“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?”

“I… I told you, honey. I had to work late. You know how busy I’ve been at the office…”

“Oh, really? So, where did all that glitter on your shirt come from?”

“What? Oh, THIS. Uh, well, it’s a big account involving glitter I’ve been working on. Big account. Needed to, you know, get hands on with some to really get at the heart of the thing.”

“And why does your breath smell like alcohol?”

“Well, we… uh… We all went out for a celebratory drink after getting everything done! I couldn’t hardly say no to all my co-workers who put in such hard work.”

“And the Eton Red Cross AM/FM/NOAA Weather Hand Crank Radio all over your face? I bet you have a good explanation for that!”

“Oh. Oh, crap.”

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice? Look at yourself! The water resistant housing and no-slip rubberized finish is as clear as day. What happened to us? Since when did you need to go outside our marriage for GMRS technology, a built-in flashlight, and the ability to receive weather advisories from National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration?”

“Look, honey, I can explain.”

“Explain what? My love isn’t rechargeable by hand crank! Get away from me. Your guilt is as glaring as that radio’s SOS distress signal and siren. Go wash your face and pack your bags, you creep.”

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