The best part of waking up? Planning the destruction of one’s enemies.

Being evil is tough. Being a super-villain brain in a jar? Even tougher. There’s just so much planning involved in skulduggery, you know? You’ve got to make sure the cloned assistants stay in line, double check every facet of your next scheme to steal the diamond you need to power your weather machine, calculate every scenario involving some spandex-clad do-gooder ruining your plans… The list goes on and on. Just because my superior mind floats in an unbreakable glass-enclosed nutrient vat connected to my vast array of robot drones and defensive laser weaponry doesn’t mean I don’t need a bit of a kick-start in the morning like everyone else.

So every morning, just before I work on my to-do list, I like to command one of the clones to whip up a fresh cappuccino with my Electra-Craft Espressione Caffe Espresso Maker and pour it directly on to my throbbing nefarious brain meats. Each cup is coffee-house perfect, and the Maxi Cappuccino device with adjustable steam and easy-to-read thermometer make it simple for even the most defective clone to avoid being thrown in the incineration pits for screwing up my morning bevy. And so elegantly designed, too. I must make a note reminding me to kidnap a handful of their designers and enslave them.

Ugh. There goes the perimeter alarm again. Silly mortal fools. Looks like I’m going to have to have another cup. Releasing the cyborg-wolves on hapless heroes is SO exhausting!

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