The world’s greatest rock group, available on iTunes!

Wait, who? Oh, naw, dude. Not them.

I’m talking about Sphyynktr Styynk, my band that I’m in with Rob and Adam and that guy Chickenfinger. We’re pretty awesome.

We’ve only been together for like six months so far, and we haven’t had a show yet. But we have had two really great practices. And we have an EP on iTunes.

The EP is from when it was just me and Rob. We recorded it at his house last summer. It’s kind of raw in places, but the passion really comes through, you know? Especially on “Meat Patrol” and “We’re Not Breaking Up, No Thank You,” which are still like our two best songs.

I don’t know why the Beatles took so long to get on iTunes, frankly. It turned out to be super easy. You just have to pay some money to CDBaby, basically. I guess it was the one guy, the guy with the glasses, Sean Lennon, who was kind of the brains of the group. If he hadn’t died I bet he would have figured it out for them.

It’s always the one with the glasses who’s the smart one. I hate to, like, stereotype, but it’s totally true. I bet you a hundred dollars the guy in Run DMC with the glasses got the highest ACT scores in that band. I don’t know which one he is by name. Maybe C? Whichever one is the glasses one, I totally bet you.

Anyway, you should definitely buy the Sphyynktr Styynk EP on iTunes. But only play it through surround sound speakers! You want that whole multidirectional, flat, on-axis frequency response to really appreciate the whole, like, sonic spectrum of a rock epic like “Woke Up Crusty.”

My mom says when I crank it up on the surround sound speakers in the den, it’s just like Sphyynktr Styynk is playing inside her brain!

She says it like that’s bad, but you’ll be into it.

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