You don’t get anything in this life by asking nicely except maybe footprints down your back. You gotta DEMAND!

Like the other day. There I was, at this burger place, and the waitress had just brought me my quintuple-bacon Swiss with a side of buffalo curly fries. Instead of kneeling cap-in-hand like a meek little churchmouse, I DEMANDED she bring ketchup and mustard! Believe me, my tone left no room for uncertainty about what exactly I was DEMANDING. Sure enough, she whisked those condiments to my table like I owned the place. That’s the power of the DEMAND!

Or the last time I went through the drive-through at the bank. When they gave me my cash, I wasn’t about to beg them to put it in a little envelope – I DEMANDED it! And you damn well better believe they listened. Can you picture me putting up with a pile of loose bills? Nuh-uh, mister – not as long as I have the strength in my body to DEMAND!

Some people might expect this Energizer Light On Demand Motion-Activated Light to turn on when it, you know, detects motion. Chumps! You let your guard down for even a second, you give anybody an inch, they’ll start shirking like a carnie with a bottle of Robitussin hidden in his trailer. When I pick this rechargeable LED flashlight up, I bark in my best Gunny voice, “I DEMAND illumination!” Sure enough, this rechargeable LED flashlight lights right up, no questions asked. Light comes to those who DEMAND it and Devil take the timid.

Of course, people look at you funny sometimes when you DEMAND. They’re not used to assertive people. We remind them how pathetic their own lives are. When I catch somebody eyeballing me, I just yell, “I DEMAND that you stop staring at me!” It usually works so well, they not only stop staring, they get up and leave. That’s DEMAND for you!

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