Cleans up all sorts of messes.

Sorry, Chris. I hate to be the one to tell you, but you're out of the band. We're replacing you with a guy named Sven. Oh no, Sven isn't a bassist like you. He plays the vacuum. The Dyson DC33, to be exact.

How did that happen? Well, it all started when me and the other guys in the band were hanging out without you - which happens a lot - and we were talking about how we need to clean up our sound, and Scott was like maybe we need a vacuum cleaner, as a joke, which was really funny.  

Yeah, it's weird. Scott IS funny most of the time. He just sort of shuts down when you're around. It's something about the way you look at people. Really off-putting.

Anyway, so Scott said that thing about a vacuum and we all laughed and then we were like, you know, that's not a terrible idea. I mean, anything's better than your bass playing, honestly. So Dale called up his friend Sven who's a performance artist. For his last show he read all of the Hamlet soliloquies backwards wearing a Scream mask. It involved a bunch of confetti that he needed to clean up too, so he already had the Dyson to clean up that, which is perfect, right?

So yeah, we've been rehearsing with him behind your back for about a month now, and the vacuum actually works great, or at least it doesn't sound as terrible as what was there before, but that's not really saying much. No offense or anything, Chris.

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