No, this Dyson wouldn't make for the most affectionate life partner. But at least you know where it'll be every night.

Yes, I worry. So sue me. A mother worries when her only daughter seems hell-bent on dying alone. Who cares if you're not in love with the Dyson DC25? What, you'd rather be with some hotshot who'll be off playing golf all the time? And you're not getting any younger, you know.

Passion, attraction, infatuation: these things fade. I should know! Look at your father! But the Dyson's HEPA filtration lasts a lifetime. And I know it's hard for you younger people to understand, but take it from the voice of experience: there's no emotional connection as strong as 220 airwatts of constant suction power.

I just don't understand who you're waiting around for. Let's face it, Robert Redford isn't going to walk up that sidewalk and ring your bell anytime soon. Fairy tales don't happen to 38-year-old anesthetists with a few too many cupcakes on their hips. Oh, stop, I was just being honest. Someone has to be.

So he won't reach deep into your heart. When you've lived as long as I have, you understand that it's more important to reach around corners and obstacles and into crevices.

Why not just give the Dyson DC25 a call? What's the harm in seeing what happens? If you're going to be emotionally unfulfilled, believe me, it's a lot easier if your floors are clean.

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