Well, maybe if you’d done any of the chores that I asked you to do, you‘d have gotten a seat at the table, Bryan.

But, since you neglected all three of the major tasks assigned to you – polishing the wood work, adding the extra leaf into the table, and mashing the potatoes – the seating arrangement will stay as is: with the ultra-light weight Dyson DC24 All-Floors Vacuum in your seat.

Oh, does that seem strange to you, Bryan? Well, you know what? I think it’s strange that you can ignore your own mother when she asks you for help getting things ready for Thanksgiving. So, if you want your seat back, just show me the floors that you cleaned. You didn’t clean any floors? Oh… how interesting.

The Dyson rides on a ball so it goes wherever I want or need it to go. That means, I don’t need to push and pull to get it to do every tiny thing. In fact, it’s so easy to work with that the other day, your father called it the son he never had. How does that make you feel, Bryan? Like maybe you want pick up some polish and hit the banisters right now? Well, too freakin’ late!

Because look, everyone’s loving it! Have you ever heard so much back-and-forth conversation at Thanksgiving before, Bryan? It’s so nice to have someone at the table who doesn’t dominate every conversation talking about how his hockey season’s going or what lacrosse sticks are “in style” right now. Because the Dyson uses its 115 airwatts for intake, not output. But you wouldn’t even know what that means, would you, Bryan?

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