You can probably guess how the Dyson DC18 Slim stacks up against the other Dyson models we’ve sold. (It’s slimmer.) But how does it stack up against other famous Slims throughout history? Read on and find out why the Dyson DC18 Slim All-Floor Vacuum is the slimmest, suckiest slim of all the slims who ever slimmed.

Slim Jim
Pro: Tastes much better than the Dyson DC18 Slim. Available cheap at any 7-11. Endorsed by “Macho Man” Randy Savage.
Con: It’s best not to wonder what parts of which animals are in those things.
Winner: The preservative-free Dyson DC18 Slim.

Slim Pickens
Pro: Veteran Western character actor who also livened up comedies like Dr. Strangelove and Blazing Saddles.
Con: Dead for 25 years. Lacks a HEPA-certified filter.
Winner: the Dyson DC18 Slim. We love you, Mr. Pickens, but you can’t win unless you show up.

Slim Shady
Pro: Without him, life in general just feels so empty. Sick of little girl and boy groups. All they do is annoy him, so he’s been sent here to destroy them. You think he gives a damn about a Grammy?
Con: Does not use cyclonic separation to remove dirt from the air. Walks around grabbin’ his you-know-what, flippin’ the you-know-who. Probably got a couple of screws up in his head loose, but no worse than what’s goin’ on in your parents’ bedrooms.
Winner: Dyson DC18 Slim, please stand up.

Virginia Slims
Pro: Has come a long way, baby.
Con: An unfortunate tendency to kill its best customers.
Winner: The Dyson DC18 Slim. At least it doesn’t pretend it’s empowering women to do anything but clean the floor.

Field Marshal William Slim, 1st Viscount Slim
Pro: Fought in both World Wars. Wounded in action three times. Apppinted 13th Governor-General of Australia by Queen Elizabeth II, 1953. Renowned for his tactical brilliance.
Con: It’s very difficult to empty his debris bin.
Winner: the Dyson DC18 Slim. The debris bin makes all the difference.

Slim-Fast
Pro: Extensive line of low-calorie shakes and other diet foods. Endorsed by Whoopi Goldberg, Tommy Lasorda, and Kathie Lee Gifford.
Con: Qualifies as “food” only in the most literal sense of the word. Endorsed by Whoopi Goldberg, Tommy Lasorda, and Kathie Lee Gifford.
Winner: A shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch, and the sensible Dyson DC18 Slim for dinner.

Slim Goodbody
Pro: Teaches children the value of healthy living.
Con: Teaches children to tolerate enthusiastic, perm-waved strangers in full-body leotards.
Winner: The totally non-creepy Dyson DC18 Slim, whose clear debris bin shows you all the internal anatomy you need to see.

Iceberg Slim
Pro: This former pimp’s grim, relentless prose made him “America’s Most Read Black Author”.
Con: As far as we know, not inclined to help you clean your floor.
Winner: Iceberg Slim. Sorry, Dyson. You’re a nice piece of equipment, but you just can’t hang with Iceberg.

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