Nothing bums us out like vacuuming. Maybe it reminds us that we can never really win the battle against the crud and filth besieging our lives. Or maybe it forces us to face the dismal fact that our remaining decades on this planet will be more and more filled with the tedium of daily maintenance, just to keep our homes (and bodies) from falling into decrepitude. Perhaps it’s because our parents choked to death on a vacuum cleaner they were eating to amuse the guests at our fifth birthday party. And handheld vacs are even worse – they don’t even provide the macho thrill of pushing a big, heavy, snarling piece of hardware around the room.

But the Dyson DC16 Root 6 Handheld Vacuum banishes our gloom the same way it banishes our Frito leavings: with extreme prejudice and a minimum of hassle. See, it uses the same root cyclone technology as in Dyson’s upright vacs. So when we unholster this cordless assassin – yes, we built a holster for ours – we’re not just holding a mini-vacuum in our hands. We’re holding a cyclone! Like mighty Zeus, we dispatch the very power of nature itself to scourge our heathen enemy! “Tremble before us, crumbs and dust and little bits of fuzz!” we bellow, sweat glistening angrily on our chest hair. “Behold your unmaker! You cannot but yield to our power! And we shall delight in your destruction, and a thousand plagues shall rain upon thee -”

Of course, this is always right when our wife gets home. But we’re not embarrassed. She knew what she was getting into when she married us. And at least we’re getting the vacuuming done.

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