Oh hey, it’s me, the wacky cool guy in the office, just bein’ goofy as usual!

Listen, I know that technically we’re in the insurance business in this office, but me – I’m in the smiles business! I’m always doing crazy hilarious stuff around the office to keep things tres intéressant, if you follow my French! That’s why I got this Dream Cheeky USB Thunder Missile Launcher. It’s my way of saying, “Let’s take a break from all this work and get a little wild!”

(I was never cool in high school or college, so I treat this job as a way to “make up for lost time.”)

Yeah, it’ll just be another boring Thursday, and Chris will be filling out reports at his cube almost 25 feet away from mine, and bam! Foam missile to the side of the head! EVERYONE just cracks up! To themselves! Silently! You can feel the sigh of relief rush through the place, like “finally, someone broke the monotony with these awesome shenanigans!”

(I like to tell my coworkers about all the friends I have, but most of them aren’t friends – they’re just people I’ve interacted with once or twice, like baristas or bank tellers. Really, the only true friend I have is my cat.)

With these mega-easy mouse and keyboard controls, I’m popping off people left and right! Judy on one of her phone calls! Mark up from his desk getting some coffee! Lisa and Greg laughing about a joke that I’m not in on! And despite what they all say, I can tell that they are just absolutely loving it! Yeah, I like to think of each missile I fire as a little ray of fun-shine!

(I set aside a small amount of money from every paycheck. Eventually I will have enough to buy everyone in the office a big present, and then, finally, they will love me.)

Back to top