Look, armed security guards that just burst into my office, there’s been some sort of misunderstanding.

Yes, I may have searched words and phrases like like, “stress” and “blow-up computer” and “beat up” and “hit the big red button,” and yes, I understand how this could seem alarming. But listen, it was only because I was doing research for my write-up about the Dream Cheeky USB Stress Button. Much like you are armed with those tasers which you have out and ready for action, I am armed with my wit and my keyboard.

Okay, seriously, there’s no need to confiscate my keyboard. I didn’t mean that it’s a weapon. I was just trying to relate to you guys. Don’t you see, we’re really not that different, except that there are twenty of you and there is one of me, and while you are approaching cautiously, and I really have no where to go, being, as I am, pushed up against my desk.

Oh hey, I know how I can show you that there’s nothing to worry about. Here, next to my monitor, is the very product to which I am referring: the Dream Cheeky USB Stress Button. I will simply press this button and you will see that it is not a real explosion, just a countdown and an graphic/sound of one on my computer screen, the silliness of which will put you all at ease!

By all accounts, the copywriter then pressed the button, at which point the entire room filled with a deep fog. In the scuffle that ensued, four security guards were injured, while the copywriter was able to escape to the roof of the Woot building where a helicopter waited to take him away. If you know any details as to the copywriter’s plans or whereabouts, we ask that you contact the authorities immediately.

Back to top