Everyone deserves to be happy. Artists, lawyers, pirates, criminals, there’s a place in the world for all of us. And yes, we try to let people have their fun, but we do still know what’s going on out there. Especially when it involves our work.

We obviously know there are a lot of people who buy from us and run right to eBay. And that’s just capitalism, which is perfectly okay with us. We’re completely prepared to hit eBay tomorrow and see this Disney Pix Max Pirates of the Caribbean 3MP Digital Camera in the hands of power sellers all over the place. No skin off our Roombas.

The part that frustrates us, though, is when we see our copy just cut and pasted into a big sale without any sort of passing reference to us. We’re not that self-centered here, but we think it would be nice if we got a little credit. It’s hard work making people laugh about things like a 1.5” color screen and 3 MP resolution.

Honestly, how would you feel, power sellers, if you spent a whole day coming up with a way to tie 32 MB memory and TV Out capability to a gag about post-war Sino-Soviet relations and some dude just cut and pasted it without giving a credit? How would you feel with someone else’s name on all your innovations? We don’t know what they would be, really, but one of you guys has got to have done something worthwhile in life. Just statistically speaking. You can’t all be failures that never leave the house.

Anyway, we’re don’t want to get too Peter David about this, so, just for today, here’s some pre-written copy you can use however you want. Really. We’re giving it to you, just to prove that we “get it” when it comes to fighting on the Internet. Here you go.

DISNEY PIX MAX 3MP DIGITAL CAMERA

Hi! Thanks for checking out my sale! This digital camera has a 1.5” Color LCD and 4x Digital Zoom. You’ll enjoy taking pictures with 32 megabytes of space, and you’ll be able to find your camera in a crowd thanks to the special picture of Peter DeLuise dressed as a pirate. Relive the Halloween episode of 21 Jump Street over and over again every time you take it out of your purse or pocket!

You’ll also have access to 20 Disney PhotoFriends, built right into the camera. This means you can make photos that imply you’ve been to Disneyland! Great for people who find it hard to travel from far away places. Speaking of far away places, unlike other sellers, I’ll happily ship to Nigeria! And will always take third party checks for an amount higher than the purchase price! Especially if you use the Buy It Now option before contacting me to be sure!

If you’re looking for a fun camera with SD/SDHC/MMC memory card compatibility, this is the one for you. Thanks for looking at my auction!

Isn’t that much nicer than stirring up a crusade about justice that ends with a million death threats and sixty new anonymous LiveJournal accounts explaining how we suck? We think it is.

So all we’re asking is that maybe, in future, you eBay people try to think about giving us a little shout out if you’re borrowing our words to pay your rent. That’s all we ask. Enjoy your Disney Pix Max Pirates of the Caribbean 3MP Digital Cameras. And please, don’t tell your friends the ending to this writeup. We’re trying to triple sales.

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