You can tell a lot about an era by the way it immortalizes its teen idols.

The earliest of them all, Frank Sinatra, featured on almost no tchotchkes, what with wartime austerity and all. The teen merch industry hadn’t advanced that much by the advent of Elvis. But by the time the Beatles came along, the marketing engine was cranking up to trading cards, bobbleheads, even novelty wigs. The interchangeable teen heartthrobs of the ‘70s and ‘80s reflected their era’s declining standards of dress and decor in the cheap t-shirts and posters bearing their anodyne mugs.

And now here’s this Hannah Montana 1GB Disney Mix Stick MP3 Player: technology that would’ve seemed like way-out sci-fi stuff just twenty years ago, employed as a marketing gimmick to shift units in a hurry before Miley Cyrus is old enough to be these kids’ mom. The good part is, long after Hannah Montana joins Fabian, Desi Jr., and Tiffany in the Hall of Oh Yeah I Think I Remember Them, its 1GB hard drive will still keep cranking out the hits, whether they’re Beethoven’s 5th or “Electric Youth”.

Not that much longer, though. These Mix Sticks aren’t exactly examples of superior workmanship, either.

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