This plane of existence can be trying indeed. It is a proving ground for the human soul, and the method by which we are tested is hardship. How many of us have struggled with the crushing burden of a life fraught with heartache, loss, loneliness, financial difficulties, health problems, and Gary Puckett & The Union Gap?

We’re here to reassure you, friends. Because although your vexations are many, the process for alleviating them is elegantly simple. It’s a three-part program that anyone can follow, and we’re happy to share it with you.

STEP ONE: TAKE AN INVENTORY OF YOUR SELF AND YOUR GOALS.
For a moment, set aside the things that make you unhappy. Forget your troubled family relationships, your lack of professional fulfillment, that terrible haircut you have. For too long, you’ve framed your aspirations in terms of SOLVING these problems. For now, meditate on what it is you would want if you NEVER HAD these problems. Imagine the perfect you. What does he or she want? Once you’ve discovered that, assess the strengths and shortcomings of your own character, and begin to formulate a strategy for SUCCESS.

STEP TWO: BE A REFLECTION OF THE PURE LOVE YOU HOPE TO RECEIVE.
At your job, in your family, at school, at the mall, and in the viewing booth at peep shows, you are bound to encounter people who “rub you the wrong way.” Your first assumption might be that they are jerkfaces, plain and simple. But should you return their hostility? One of the most difficult secrets to discover is that, to them, it is you who are the jerkface, jerkface. Be instead a radiant beam of pure, unmitigated love and acceptance, while at the same time challenging them to meet a higher standard. They might surprise you in returning this “attitude of beatitude!”

STEP THREE: BUY THE DIGIPRO 8×6-INCH USB GRAPHICS TABLET WITH CORDLESS PEN.
This is the most important step of all, for a number of reasons. First, the generous 8×6-inch writing area will facilitate your drawing, sketching, and even editing photos—digitally realizing the ideas you create in your mind. Second, it allows you to hand-write and hand-sign digital documents, forging stronger interpersonal connections. But most importantly, this is the only step of the three that you have any chance in Hades of actually completing. I mean, seriously—you, a radiant beam of pure love? As if. But you’ve got a credit card, right?

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