Fairly deep within a moderately enchanted forest stood a somewhat charming cottage. Inside, three elves lived happily enough most of the time, we suppose. Their names were Homey, Speedy, and Walkabout, and when they’d finished a long day tending their semi-magical toodstool patch, they wanted nothing more than to kick back to 101 channels of satellite radio, including 35 commercial-free music stations, 35 other music stations, and 31 channels of sports, news, talk, and children’s programming. So one day they agreed to spend some of their toadstool proceeds on a monthly subscription to XM Radio (not included with this purchase).

But as will often happen among a trio of sweaty, tired elves who resent their relative lack of magical powers, a disagreement arose. It seemed each elf preferred a different method for satisfying his XM jones.

“XM radio is best listened to in the privacy of the cottage,” said Homey, who had not ventured beyond the elves’ front gate in forty-score moons.

“Nah, it’ll sound better in my squirrel-drawn carriage,” said Speedy, daydreaming about the acorn-encrusted spinning rims he’d seen in one of his carriage magazines.

“You guys are nuts,” said Walkabout. “I want to strut around the hamlet pumping out the XM jams from a boombox. That’d be bad-ass.”

“What are you, some kind of dwarf?,” asked Homey. Along with his agoraphobia and acute paranoia, Homey was also a raving bigot. Charming elf, that one. “What next – gold teeth?”

“It’s always about race with you, isn’t it?,” replied Walkabout. “Maybe it’s time this so-called dwarf showed you how we do things in South-Central Twinkletown.” As Walkabout pulled a sharpened rose thorn from his tunic, Speedy stepped between the arguing elves before things got tragic.

“Guys, guys, listen,” Speedy said consolingly. “Check this out: we can buy the Delphi Skyfi2 XM Receiver with Boombox and Car Kit, and kill three unicorns with one raindrop. We can put the Skyfi2 receiver in the boombox for home or portable listening. And we can use the cassette adapter or FM transmitter to listen to it on the road.”

The tension in the room lightened some, although Walkabout and Homey still glared at each other like two orcs who both wanted to eat the same halfling corpse.

“And listen, the receiver automatically records the last 30 minutes of whatever you’re listening to, so you can pause or rewind so you don’t miss anything. You can save up to 20 song titles and it’ll alert you when one of the songs comes on, and, and, you can set the display to show scrolling sports scores or stock quotes, and it comes with a remote, and -”

“Fine,” Homey muttered, looking away. “Anything to shut you up.”

“Sure, sounds good, whatever,” Walkabout agreed, stowing his weapon beneath his tunic.

And so the contentious, petty elves managed to work up a schedule for who gets the XM Skyfi2 receiver on which days, and a peace of sorts settled over the cottage.

Of course, Walkabout still sleeps with that rose thorn under his pillow, just in case.

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