You can take all your museums, your local music, your architecture, your literature, your coastlines, your mountain vistas, and cram them down your pie-hole.

Your pizza pie-hole, that is. Because when it comes to regional character, there’s nothing that defines a place like having its own local pizza style.

Ask your average Joe Paintsmock whether he prefers the Field Museum or the American Museum of Natural History. He’ll probably bust your glasses for being such a Poindexter! But ask him whether he likes his pizza Chicago-style or New-York-style, and watch his hostility instantly evaporate as he engages you in a discussion of the relative merits!

Watch it evaporate as best you can with no glasses, anyway.

Consider Saint-Louis-style pizza, with its weird, matzoh-like crust and tooth-adherent regional cheese product! Or California-style, made in wood-fired ovens and topped with stuff yuppies like! Have yours New-Haven-style, or Detroit-style—all places known worldwide by the idiosyncrasies of their pizzas!

Before this month is over, you’ll be able to add Rolando Campbell’s house to that list of pizza meccas. I’m buying a stainless steel DeLonghi countertop convection oven big enough to cook two twelve-inch pizzas, and I’m going to make the next big pizza innovation. Maybe I’ll marinate my toppings in vodka. Maybe I’ll use baloney instead of crust. Nothing’s off the table. This is the brainstorming phase, where I don’t critique ideas, I just generate them.

Whatever I dream up, my DeLonghi oven will be the perfect tool to get it out of my dreams and into my guts. Its trademarked Durastone II enamel interior works with fan-circulated hot air to make sure heat’s distributed fast and evenly. Whatever I’m cooking, it’ll be perfectly browned outside, moist and juicy inside—and 30-40% less time. Then when it’s time to clean up? Squoosh, squoosh, just wipe the enamel with a damp sponge. After it cools off, of course.

This is going to be huge! No longer will maps of the pizzaverse have a blank spot where Utah should be! I’ll go down in history as the guy who first thought to serve pizza as a hot beverage, or with chewing gum on it, or whatever I end up inventing! Gourmands, I hope you’re ready to revise your almanacks. Rolando Campbell’s house is about to rank among the world’s great places!

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