Ladies, gentlemen, and blxnzxii, please give a warm, slimy Betelgeusean welcome to the filthiest insult comic in the galaxy: Frank Blrgrooool!

Thank you, thank you. I can feel the warmth in this room. Anybody awake in here? It’s like my wife’s znifnorx on our wedding night! Somebody roll me over when it’s my turn to f’glurg’og, am I right? Ah, but I love playing Betelgeuse-9, I really do. Every time I come here I have the happy thought that maybe Thisbe doesn’t smell so bad!

Hey, look who we have with us in the audience tonight: the Dell Inspiron 17” Notebook! Get him another round, waitress, his xorxx membranes are starting to dry out! This guy, we go way back. I’m not saying he’s got an ego, but when he walks into a room, he expects everybody to kiss his 500 GB hard drive. What’s worse is, he keeps it in his t’khhorkhll! And ugly? Whew! This guy makes Emperor Uqqrowxx look like Jude Law! Hey, Inspiron, can I borrow your face? My vrqurq is going on vacation!

Oh, and that Multiformat DVD±RW/CD-RW drive, that sounds real nice – if he’s not too sloshed to keep from crashing it into a space-tree! This guy drinks the way a Venusian makes snrkulnrk: with all three tentacles at once! Nah, but seriously, folks, he’s a good guy, Dell Inspiron 17” Notebook. He’s good for home multimedia, he’s good for video chatting, he’s good for creating customized CDs and DVDs. And for 20 quaxols, he’ll let you uuzquuox his sister’s xhoxhl! You can’t even get a deal like that on Neptune!

Ooh, you Neptunians don’t like that, huh? What, have your prices gone up? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I must take my bow. My wife’s going to see her mother on Ceres and my barnaxx are due back in her purse! Thank you! G’night!

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