Even though they’re two-in-one, they’re still going to have to learn a little something called “cooperation”.

Blender and Food Processor, you two settle down this instant! If you think for a second that I’m going to let the two of you ruin dinner for everybody, then you are sorely mistaken. Either the two of you learn to share properly or, I swear, I will put you both in the cabinet and neither of you will see daylight for a week, so help me. Are we clear?

The two of you are supposed to be helping me by saving space, but this constant bickering is ridiculous. We’re gonna do this like it’s supposed to be done. Three Cup Food Processor Bowl, you will help with the various veggies and nuts with your stainless steel blade and reversible slicing and shredding disc. And THEN, I will need you, Forty-Eight Ounce Glass Blender Jar, to help with the frozen drinks afterward. That’s right, you both get a turn using the five speed base with touchpad controls. That makes everybody happy, right? Good.

Oh, now, why is Spatula crying again? Hand Mixer, you had better straighten up RIGHT NOW or I will put you aside and just mix this cake batter by hand. YES , I KNOW THAT SOUNDS REDUNDANT, SMART ALECK.

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