"What do you mean, 'so, how's the family?' I've been married to you for 17 years."

"You don't say? That's nice to hear these days. So what are we doing for you today? Trim the front and leave it nice and long in back? Or maybe a cute little mohawk?"

"No! Just, you know, trim it a little all over, or whatever. Start with the one-inch attachment and make it look how it usually does."

"Whatever you say, lady. You're the boss. So, you see that football game the other day?"

"It's not football season."

"How about this election, huh? Me, I don't give my vote to any of those clowns."

"There's no election going on. And the last time you voted, it was for Gary Coleman."

"Aw, what do I know? I just cut hair. Now, OK, here, take a look at this. What do you think?"

"Wow. Not bad at all. Your 'barber act' is awful, but you and the Conair Hair Cut Kit cut a mean hairdo."

"Come back soon, now."

"Where did you get that Barbicide, or whatever those combs are floating in?"

"It's antifreeze."

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