Heyyyy, you, how’s it goin’? I bet a little thing like you had to sneak in, huh? Don’t worry, I won’t tell on you. Allow me to introduce myself, I’m the Cinego D-1000 Projector, originally manufactured exclusively for none another than Radio Shack. That’s right, a digital-front projector with a built in DVD player with all the quality of the Radio Shack name behind it. You like these white socks? I wear ‘em with my dress shoes because they feel so comfortable. I know a cutie-pie like you understands about feeling comfortable.

So I like to stay in shape, even at my age. I still got my 16:9 ratio. You ever watched a DVD with a 16:9 ratio? Really? Maybe you aren’t as young as you look in those red shoes. Heh.

Hey, don’t go just yet, I was gonna tell you about my inputs. Component, composite, S-Video, I pretty much got ‘em all. Someone pretty like you deserves a projector that can cover all the bases. Why, you lookin’ at that one over there? Man, he’s still fresh out of the box. He doesn’t have the nice black finish like I do. That’s the Radio Shack mark of quality, you know, that nice black finish. Bet he doesn’t even know how to use his remote. Mine has 32 buttons. You ever heard of a player with that many features? ‘Course you’re screwed if you lose it because you can’t access everything from the menu buttons. Hey, you wanna see a card trick?

Okay, okay, I was just kidding. Listen, I want to be honest with you up front, I got an ex-wife, and you’re gonna hear some stuff about “failing benchmarks” and “better designs” and all kinds of crap like that, and I’m not saying it’s false and I’m not saying it’s true, all I’m saying is that it’s getting late in the evening and there’s not really a better deal right here in your face, is there? You can go start looking all over the place and maybe you’ll find something and maybe you won’t, or you can go home with a projector that originally cost about twelve hundred dollars, and tell all your friends how great it was. They ain’t gonna know. And hey, if you get a little drunk and squint you can pretend I’m an X-Box.

What’cha say, babe?

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