Why drive halfway across the continent to see spectacular sights when I’ve got them all over my own body?

I’m not knocking the breathtaking wonder of nature. I just think that breathtaking wonder starts at home. The glistening, bamboo-like rods of my hair. The eerie, otherworldly dreamscape of my skin flakes. Whatever that substance is that squirts out of the pores on my nose. It’s like a tour through a secret galaxy inside a mysterious universe hidden behind a door marked EMPLOYEES ONLY.

And the swipe card that opens that door is the Carson Optical 640×480 USB Digital Microscope. It comes with slides and an internal light just like an old-fashioned microscope – but there’s no hunching over an eyepiece, squinting through your eyelashes, hoping to see something, anything, before your neck ache becomes permanent. You connect this one to your computer’s USB port and see the image right there on the screen. With zoom magnifications ranging from 26X to 130X, a 5X optical lens, and a 350,000 pixel image sensor, nothing beats it for capturing my purple scab-crust’s majesty. And I can preserve the best views with the one-touch photo capture – fortunately for all you future readers of the coffee-table book I’ve been putting together.

I’d love to tell you more about how awesome the Carson Optical 640×480

Digital Microscope and I are, but I’d rather show you than tell you. Here, check this out – can you believe that came out of my ear?

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