Maybe a “fire hose” or “tsunami” option?

Oh. Oh no. Oh, this can’t be happening. This date was going so well! DAMMIT, Bill! How could you be so stupid? “Oh, I’ll have the bean and Jerusalem artichoke fajitas with whole wheat tortillas, please! And two espressos for dessert!” IDIOT! How could I have made such a terrible mistake?!

Okay, pull yourself together. You couldn’t have known this night would end at her place! And you definitely didn’t anticipate her having a Brondell Simple Eco-Friendly Dual Flush Toilet Retrofit Kit on her commode. Sure, it’s got simple Touch Button Controls and the ability to use a “half-flush” so you’re not wasting water for just liquid waste, but I don’t need a half-flush now! I need…like, a TEN flush.

Uh, just a minute, Emily! Just, uh, washing my hands!

Crap! She’s onto me! What am I gonna do, what am I gonna do? Okay, I have no choice; I can’t just leave this here like the wreck of the Titanic. I have to double-flush. I’ll just say I was blowing my nose or something.

Oh no! Oh no, this is so much worse! I need a toilet brush I need a toilet brush I need a-

WHO DOESN’T HAVE A TOILET BRUSH NEXT TO THEIR TOILET?!

Fine. I can do this. I’m a man, dammit. Left hand, I’m sorry; you’re gonna have to take this one for the team.

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