“I know it’s hard, Vlad, but you’ve got to stay positive. You’ll find work soon.”

“It’s just so frustrating, John, you know? It used to be easy. A guy like me could walk into any haunted house or festival and management would be begging, literally begging, to have a real frickin’ vampire under their employ. Now, it’s all ‘Maybe if you were bitten when you were younger and better looking.’ or ‘Do you sparkle? We’re really looking for the type of vampires who sparkle.’”

“I hear you. The last little twerp I interviewed with asked me to take off my shirt before the interview started. ‘Sorry, man. Hit the gym and shave your chest, THEN we’ll talk.’ Shave my chest? I’m a werewolf! It’s not like it’s going to help! I swear I would’ve wolfed out and torn out his jugular if I didn’t need his name on my Job Search Log.”

“And you know what’s the worst? The thing that really bothers me? Every year, I buy my henchmen something special for Halloween as a token of appreciation. I was totally going to get them all a Breville Single Serve Coffee Brewer With Keurig Technology this time around.”

“Is that the one with the in-tank water filtration and the LCD control that includes a digital clock with auto on-off time, five brew strengths, and variable brew temperature? Those are nice.”

“Exactly. With all the late nights I put them through, I figured they’d like the convenience and freshness that comes from brewing one cup at a time. Instead, I guess I’ll have to make them little bags of candy or something.”

“Come on, Vlad. Chin up, huh? Remember that year mummies were big? We got through that, and we’ll get through this. Just you wait.”

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