The Thrilla From Breville-a
What gave them the right, those MFA dropouts and punk-band casualties, to look down their multipierced noses at me? So I didn’t know the lingo! So I called it a “large” instead of a “mondeau-grandeau!” Sorry, but I didn’t spend the past several years immersed in ALL THINGS OVERPRICED COFFEE. I have a JOB.
I thought to myself: I don’t have to take this! There are many other ways for a person to get coffee without subjecting himself to the derision of a bunch of snooty bean-steamers!
Straight from work, I went out and procured myself a Breville espresso machine and Knocchi knock box. You should see it! It’s professional-grade die cast metal, so it’s built to last (and looks expensive)!
I started simple, you know, a shot of espresso. But before long I was whipping up all manner of drinks—a long black, a flat white, the classic cafe latte, cappuccino, macchiato, mocha frappe, espresso affogato, con panna, et cetera.
The hissing! The foaming! The knocking! The slugging! Oh, it was like a whole new world opened up for me. It wasn’t long before I’d mastered all the standard coffee drinks.
Then I started inventing my own—like the Pockyato, which comes with a Japanese cookie-candy swizzle stick. Or the Half-Laff Slap-Back Choke-a-Joke-a-Mocha, which is a chocolate coffee served simultaneously with a hilarious one-liner, so the person drinking it snorts some of it back out his nose. Or the Litigato, which is plain black coffee but no mug; you just pour it out over your lap.
Having perfected these and others, I returned to my local hifalutin coffee joint and ordered drinks the recipes for which were known only to me, their inventor. You should have seen the panic in those baristas’ eyes as they contemplated the prospect of a customer who knew more than they!
The tables had turned! Under whose butt was the highest horse now?
Features
Warranty: 1 Year Breville
Breville 800ESXL 15-Bar Espresso/Cappuccino Maker:
- Professional grade stainless steel die-cast espresso machine with 15 bar pump that extracts a cafe quality créma from espresso grounds or coffee pods
- The stainless steel steam wand produces continuous dry steam for barista-style milk and froth. It is mounted on a swivel ball for easy maneuverability. The wand also dispenses hot water on demand
- Unique 15 bar Triple-Prime™ pump automatically releases three bursts of hot water into the filter head. The increased pressure allows the machine to extract more créma
- Dual-wall créma technology, beneath the first wall is a second wall with a single exit hole. This produces back pressure inside the head which helps to extract flavor from the coffee
- 4.5 inch clearance designed to accommodate large coffee mugs, and travel coffee mugs
- 75 .oz water tank produces up to 50 single shots of espresso before needing to be refilled
- 1 liter drip tray slides out for easy cleaning
- 72 square inch solid steel cup warming tray
- Dimensions: (L) 11" x (W) 10" x (H) 12.5"
Breville Knocchi Knock Box:
- The Breville Knocchi Knock Box is a Barista inspired coffee knock box for quick and easy disposal of used coffee grounds
- The outer body is composed of elegant, yet durable die-cast metal for a lifetime of use
- The removable, large capacity inner vessel collects the coffee grounds and is dishwasher safe for added convenience
- Grounds are environmentally friendly and can be used as rich garden compost
- The ultra durable knock bar is designed for long wear and built of engineering grade polymer to maintain it’s shape and stand up to aggressive use
- The polymer ring around the bottom is designed to prevent any movement/slipping while banging coffee out of the portafilter
- Diameter: 5.5"
- Height: 7"
In the box:
- Die-Cast Espresso Machine 800ESXL
- Cleaning Tool
- Filter Holder
- Tamping Spoon
- Stainless Steel frothing pitcher
- 1 and 2 cup dual-wall stainless steel filters
- Breville BCB100 Knocchi Espresso Knock Box
Specs
Breville 800ESXL Die-Cast Espresso & Cappuccino MakerBreville BCB100 Knocchi Espresso Knock Box
Specs
Breville 800ESXL Die-Cast Espresso & Cappuccino MakerBreville BCB100 Knocchi Espresso Knock Box
Sales Stats
- Speed to First Woot:
- 3m 37.000s
Purchaser Experience
Purchaser Seniority
Quantity Breakdown
Percentage of Sales Per Hour
12 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
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