Mine is the best podcast online because I’m always right.

That’s right, users of the Internet, it’s time for your daily dose of the cold, hard, truth. I’m going to tell it like it is and you’re going to listen because deep down, we both know I’m right. And I’m right about everything. We’ll run the gamut: I’ll best you in talking politics, sports, pop culture, gaming, religion, and everything in between.

Today I’m breaking the rules, because I’m superior enough that I can, and taking calls from the audience. Caller go ahead with your question for me, your superior in every conceivable way.

“Yeah, I’ve been listening for awhile-”

As you should.

“Uh, right. So you always act all superior and adopt this air of perfection, but I see you in the video of your podcast and you’re just some fat, shlubby dude with Battlestar Galactica posters in his room.”

Ha! Well that’s where you’re wrong, caller. You’re obviously confusing this podcast with some other one you must watch in your spare time; my podcast doesn’t even have video. I record it on this little microphone right in front of my face and that’s it.

“Dude. It’s got video.”

You’re as wrong as you are enthusiastic, my friend. I’m looking into the bulb of a microphone, nothing more. Let me just pull the box out and as you can plainly hear me read it, I use a Blue Microphones Eyeball 2MP HD Webcam.

“Yeah. Exactly.”

Oh. Oh no. Wait a sec, the camera is so small I must not have noticed! How can it shoot HD video?!

“It doesn’t. The audio is HD. The video’s only two megapixels. Maybe that’s how they keep it simple: no drivers or anything, Mac and PC compatible, just plug and play.”

I…I record this thing in my bedroom. Usually in my underwear.

“We know. We can all see. I thought it must be some meta comedy podcast or something; that’s why I had to ask.”

I need to go now.

“I’ve made a list of ways you’re not superior, if you’re interested in hearing it.”

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