At last, hard-working engineers have found a way to take one of life’s simplest and most basic chores—bodily hygiene—and make it both more complicated and more expensive! Toss out your washcloths; here comes their battery-powered alternative!

“Battery-powered,” you ask? And yeah, you might be forgiven for your skepticism. After all, batteries sometimes fail. By contrast, your old low-tech loofah never dies—it just smells that way. And the slogan that accompanies this product elsewhere on the World Wide Web isn’t particularly convincing either: “Scrubbing and Lathering all in the palm of your hand!” Yeah, the last time they invented something that did that, it was called “soap.”

But let us tell you what, in the face of all this apparent uselessness, makes selling this silly little body-buffer worthwhile:

After you buy one, we get to imagine it in your suds-slicked hand, whirring its way ‘round every inch of your soapy frame, each of its interchangeable brush heads gently scrubbing your fulsome physique in its turn, like one of a tiny tub-time tag-team.

Lather up, you dirty little wooter, you! And remember: when you shower with this Battery Operated Handheld Body Scrubber and Soap Dispenser—you’re showering with us. Rowr! You missed a spot!

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