Ladies and gentlemen of the press, my client is here to announce that, as of today, he has decided to turn Pro. We'll now be taking questions.

"Has he really thought this through? What about his education?"

With a 4GB DDR3 memory, we feel that he has nothing else to learn to prepare him for a career after his playing days. The other, er, benefits that a performer of his caliber enjoys on campus will still be available to him in even greater supply. He's looking forward to even greater, uh, "fan appreciation" at the Pro level.

"Can he really compete with the pros? Aren't you and his management team setting him up for failure?"

No, not at all. He's got a pro body already. Our client is a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon, and Pro fans everywhere will soon see that he has the screen size, speed, and durability to be a superstar at any level.

"OK, physical gifts are one thing, but what about heart? What about drive? What about understanding the pro game?"

Look, I know this kid's heart, and that Intel Core Processor is something you just can't teach. As for drive, he's got the 500GB hard drive of a veteran. The graphics processor, the OS X operating system, the iLife suite: I'd be confident putting this kid - no, this man - up against anybody else out there.

"What about his 'recertified' status? Are there any lingering questions about his health?"

Absolutely not. Look, the finest surgeons in the world have signed off on his fitness to play. That's what "recertified" means. Bottom line: he's in the best shape of his life.

"Come on, isn't this just about the money?"

My client has actually settled for less money than he could have gotten elsewhere, just because he's so excited about what the program here at Woot is putting together. I mean, we're making history here. The money is nice, but he's here for his legacy. He's got championship dreams, and it's my job to make those dreams come true.

"But aren't you just going to milk this MacBook Pro for all it's worth, then move on to the next model when this one becomes obsolete?"

I'm sorry, that's all the questions we have time for now.

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