We interrupt this program for a special bulletin from Grover’s Mill, Texas. We take you there now, live:

Good evening. This is Walter Wootrow reporting from outside a warehouse in Texas, where hundreds if not thousands of unidentified black-and-silver objects have descended from the night sky. State troopers and National Guardsmen are attempting to protect the growing crowd of onlookers from any effects as yet unknown of the mysterious pods. The scene is one of barely restrained pandemonium. I’m joined now by Dr. Al Yenware of the Rutledge Observatorological Institute. Dr. Yenware, if you would, please explain to us what we might be looking at here.

“Well, each pod appears to be made up of two parts. The small, rectangular object on top we’ll call the MP3 player. Judging by its size, I would estimate its capacity at about 512MB, but such players have been known to expand with the use of SD cards. The larger, pod-shaped base or “dock” is mostly covered by two large speakers – according to my calculations, it could well boast 30 watts of power, SRS WOW, and TruBass capabilities. The relationship between the two parts is clearly very close, although the dock can apparently accomodate any audio device with a 3.5mm headphone jack. One thing is certain: the technology involved here is well beyond the Victrolas and Philcos that are commonly found in homes today. I should like to get a chance to study it further.”

And do you believe we are in any danger, doctor?

“That is certainly the question of the hour. I would say -”

Excuse me, doctor, but the pods are starting to emit a muffled thumping sound, growing in its intensity now. Those of you listening at home can hear it behind me…louder now…onlookers are starting to panic, running in every direction to escape the noise…The sound is becoming almost unbearable, and oddly familiar…Yes, of course! It’s the Black-Eyed Peas! The devastation I’m witnessing here cannot be expressed in words! An Alienware invasion has begun! I now have no choice but to flee for safety myself! Walter Wootrow signing off – may God save us all!

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