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Hey, all: First just let me say that I’m a normal parent, just like you, who’s trying to do right by my kids and look out for them in a world fraught with hazards, both real and imagined, which throw me into spasmodic fits of paranoid hysteria on an approximately daily basis. Like I said, just like you.
Well, I just found out something DEEPLY DISTURBING about the Acer 10.1-inch, six-cell netbook computers that my kids use, and maybe your kids use too.
Like me, you probably innocently assumed that young people got these netbooks for the same reasons you and I would: Because they’re a lightweight and convenient way to browse the Internet, do email and instant messaging, VOIP calls, streaming video, stuff like that. And its six-cell battery—as opposed to most netbooks’ three-cellers—provides up to six and a half hours of life, depending on how you use it. So just as it makes a good mobile computer for an adult to take on trips or use on his commute, it would be a good machine for students to carry from class to class. So that’s probably why your kids wanted them too, right?
WRONG.
It turns out that kids collect different colors of Acer Aspire netbooks to signify the different INAPPROPRIATE ACTIVITIES they engage in!
Listed here are the SICK, PERVERSE connotations of the various Acer netbook colors:
BLACK signifies that the user has reached high levels in something called “Mafia Wars,” the result of having committed countless acts of gang violence! This could be YOUR KID!
BLUE means the person who owns the computer has what is called an online “avatar,” which I understand refers to a ten-foot tall fantasy cyber-sex partner with blue skin.
Perhaps most disturbing of all, a RED Acer netbook identifies a child who has an account at woot.com, and even posts in the forums!
Parents, WE HAVE TO KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON IN OUR CHILDREN’S LIVES. Ask your kid about his or her Acer netbook! And if you have to, confiscate it! It will show your child that you are INVOLVED (and you’ll like having a portable computer that weighs under three pounds).
Oh, also—an update to the email I sent out last week about Alpha-Bits cereal. A spokesman from Post insists there is no way for workers in their factory to arrange the letters before boxes ship to stores, and the obscenity that appeared in my daughter’s bowl was a “chance occurrence.” Still, I recommend all concerned parents do as I do and remove all Fs and Cs from the box before your children pour themselves any. Better safe than sorry, right?
Yours in perpetually panicked outrage,
C. Little
Acer Aspire One with Accessory Kit
Acer LZ23800024 Netbook Accessory Kit
Black Acer Aspire One Detail
Black Acer Aspire One
Black Acer Aspire One Keyboard
Black Acer Aspire One Left Profile View
Black Acer Aspire One Right Profile View
Blue Acer Aspire One Detail
Blue Acer Aspire One
Blue Acer Aspire One Keyboard
Blue Acer Aspire One Left Profile View
Blue Acer Aspire One Right Profile View
Red Acer Aspire One Detail
Red Acer Aspire One
Red Acer Aspire One Keyboard
Red Acer Aspire One Left Profile View
Red Acer Aspire One Right Profile View
Warranty: 90 Day Acer
Features:
Specifications:
Power:
Video:
Audio:
Interface Ports:
Card Slot:
Communications:
User Interface:
Dimensions & Weight:
Acer LZ23800024 Netbook Accessory Kit:
In the box:
| 12 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
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