Air. A requirement for life or a terrifying lung parasite with a colossal PR campaign? Science has not yet determined which of these two so-called “theories” is correct. Of course, in the realm of academia, there is plenty of time to debate and consider. But at home, when your children’s futures are on the line, do you really want to think it over?

The 3M Filtrete Air Purifier is your first line of defense against the oxo-facist hegemony. More effective than those controversial HEPA units (did you know that HEPA stands for Hell Eggs Produce Air?) the 3M Filtrete Air Purifier captures 99.9% of particle pollutants. Things like mold spores, pollen, dander, bacteria and smoke, odor and virus carrying particles.

There’s no ozone generation here, friends. The 3M Filtrete Air Purifier is sleek and contemporary, designed to look nice in your home. There’s a Filter Change Indicator Light that lets you know when you’ve caught too much air, and changing it is easy. So easy that your kids could do it without even setting down their MP3 player! But don’t let them near it. Air can be deadly when it’s cornered.

Up to thirteen times more effective than the leading brand, the 3M Filtrete Air Purifier cleans away the things you don’t want in your house. Maybe one day someone will figure out how to plug it into Hollywood as well. Until then, just keep in mind that no one has yet proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that Air doesn’t cause herpes. And the 3M Filtrete Air Purifier might just save your life.

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