Ahoy, matey!
Well this is just great. Your old corsair companion Crapbeard has scattered pieces of his treasure maps across the face of this Woot-Off. Help me piece together my maps, and I'll give ye a share of me ample booty!
Y'harrr. Such a stereotype of a pirate be I. As if the peg leg, eyepatch, and emblematic exclamations weren't enough, now I've gone and scattered my treasure maps across the Seven Seas like some kind of caricature of piracy. Shiver me hackneyed timbers!
Here's how you can help: Scour the horizon for sails. Y'harrr, I mean "sales." If you see the word TREASURE (in all caps! very important!), dig! A piece of my map is buried somewhere underneath, or my name isn't Crapbeard.
There be two maps, each leading to stashes of my namesake treasure; one fer Tuesday, one fer Wednesday. Find them, and ye'll be rich beyond your wildest dreams! (If yer wildest dreams be extremely underwhelming.)
Y'harrr!