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"He Said He Wants To WHAT Me?": Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

MILAN, Italy (UPI) -- Fiat's top executive, Sergio Marchionne, Tuesday sketched out his vision for overhauling the Italian automaker to position it for the future.

Step one: hire someone other than Tony to handle all the repairs.

 

Fiat

 

NEW YORK (UPI) -- U.S. recording star CeeLo Green is teaming up with The Muppets for a holiday special called "CeeLo's Magic Moment," TV Guide Network said.

Most of the characters are already on board, but insiders say the anthropomorphic letter U is demanding full script approval before agreeing to appear.

 

Lower-case u (Pittsburgh, PA)

 

LAS VEGAS (UPI) -- Officials in Las Vegas said a city street will be temporarily renamed in honor of rock band Guns N' Roses while they are performing at a hotel.

The street starts with plenty of room, then, in the middle of town, it suddenly takes a left turn, goes through the desert for 300 miles, and terminates in an unpaved dead end just before a cliff.

BURBANK, Calif.(UPI) -- Walt Disney Co. has agreed to acquire Lucasfilm and the U.S. entertainment giant said it will release a new live-action "Star Wars" movie.

Fans are already dreading the possibility of a new story all about a youthful princess with daddy issues fighting against cartoonish bad guys while her handsome prince and his magical talking animal defend… oh, Good Lord, they're not going to change anything, are they?

Fiat from Rajan Manickavasagam and Lower-case u (Pittsburgh, PA) from takomabibelot are used under a Creative Commons License.