Folks, 
Despite my entreaties, warnings, and admonitions, the impossibly dashing UPS Deliveryman Andrê Jassón ravished every female on staff last spring. Due to monsieur Jassón's REMARKABLE VIRILITY, this means that all female employees will birth Andrê's progeny within the next several weeks.
You know what that means, fellas (I shouldn't have to spell this out): ALL MALE EMPLOYEES WILL PARTICIPATE IN A LEAGUE-OF-THEIR-OWN-STYLE PLOT TO COVER THIS MASS MATERNITY LEAVE. Your company needs you in this time of difficulty, gentlemen.
Males are expected to dress, act, and work like the women whom they are covering in this time. Although you may not be taken seriously at first, with enough grit, determination (and a little bit of showmanship), you will win over the skeptics and make it to the workplace equivalent of the World Series.
- Bye -
Katherine Tull-Potts, BA
Office Manager
PS I will only be out for one week. Potts women never let the miracle of birth stand in the way of office management.