Woot : One Day, One Deal (SM)

Can you tell your steak restaurants from your meat markets? Steak House or Gay Bar? gives you the name of a real establishment and you have to guess which kind it is. I only scored 36%, which I guess isn't bad for a heterosexual vegetarian.

(Thanks, FipiLele!)

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There’s a little kid in all of us. And that kid is SO happy to finally be old enough to buy beer, guns, and dirty magazines. But, still, there are times when that sort of thing is just not socially acceptable. So when you need that kid to stay out of trouble, try the The Marvel Comics Create Your Own Comic Generator as a distraction. Check it out, here’s the one we prepared in advance:

Think you can do better? We think so too. Get to work, and don’t forget to share with us in the comments below. We want to read YOUR work for a change! (Standard forum etiquette still applies, of course.)

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During my teenage dumpster-diving safety-pinning punk rock heyday, no artifact of mass-media punxploitation was more coveted than a 1982 episode of Quincy, ME about a punk-rock suicide. Its portrayal of mindless, nihilistic fashion punks was so ridiculous, it became the standard by which all other such portrayals were measured. In the jargon of the scene, a "Quincy Punk" meant any punk-rock moron worried more about the structural soundness of his liberty spikes than about, say, nuclear holocaust. We all knew about and laughed about the Quincy punk episode, even if none of us had actually seen it. Hey, who collected tapes of Quincy? Occasionally you'd hear about some scary older guy who had a copy of it among his collection of snuff films and Mexican wrestling videos, but we never mustered up the courage to go to his house to watch.

But with the Internet, all things are watchable. Presenting the "band" that launched a thousand awful haircuts, Mayhem, performing the title cut from that episode, "Next Stop Nowhere"...

Read on for the flipside, the even narstier "Choke"...

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A no-hitter has got to be one of the greatest feelings in the world. We say “has got to be” because we’ve never done it. We’re just not that good. But a few players have managed it, and it always makes the news, because it’s just so rare. Even if you don’t like the game, you still have to respect the achievement.

And that’s why everybody who knows anything about baseball will eventually hear the story about Dock Ellis. The story that starts with “forgot there was a game that day and took LSD” and ends with “I only remember bits and pieces but know I was pitching to Richard Nixon”. Confused? Well, here’s a lovely video that makes it all clear.

Oh, sorry. Remember, kids. Winners don’t use drugs.

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As everyone has learned from spending two months playing “Beatles: Rock Band” non-stop, there was no group quite like the Fab Four. As they moved like a Jedi lightsaber through the Sith tummy that was the music industry, things that people had always taken for granted were changed forever. Records were shattered, budgets were increased, the hits kept coming and no one ever missed a bonus! And then, instantly, it was over. And things started to go back to normal.

Of course, the music industry was having none of that crap. And we’re betting that’s why there were so many absolutely terrible songs in the era just after The Beatles vanished forever. Maybe you’re too young to remember. Maybe you’ve blissfully forgotten. Well, don’t you worry! We’re perfectly comfortable rooting about in the world of remainders! And that’s the sort of thing you’ll find after the jump. On the other side, you’ll be enjoying a blast of really bad, really terrible, incredibly, evilly… hey, you know what? You probably should just stop reading now.

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I'm not ashamed to admit it: I enjoy playing around with Wikipedia's random-article function. Don't judge me. I'm obviously not the only one. Web developer Jim Blackler took my dirty little secret one step further with Quizipedia, the quiz game built from fragments of random Wikipedia articles. The questions aren't ridiculously hard, but Quizipedia is an unforgiving task master. One wrong answer and you lose. Pro tip: use the "pass" button to come back to particularly tough ones.

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So there we were, minding our own businesses and quietly painting flames on the Roombas. Then, suddenly, we heard a noise. Someone had sent us a Tweet!

And that’s how we found @Humpty_Dumpty. Naturally, we knew there was nothing we could do to help. After all, if he’d already called all the king’s horses and all the king’s men, what good would we be? But it did get us thinking about what other nursery rhyme characters might be out there on Twitter. We’ve got our findings all sorted in an easy-to-follow Twitter list, but read on to learn more…

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Have you ever wondered what The Matrix would have looked like in the era of silent movies? Yeah, neither did we. But then, just today, we were browsing the blog Nerdcore and found… well, something we didn’t expect.

We’re hoping that the next one includes werewolves and vampires and Laurel and Hardy.

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Hey, women of BYU! Are you ready to play some soccer? Because you should really be focused on defending yourself from Elizabeth Lambert.

Lambert, who apparently lost her entire family in a savage Mormon attack, became hellbent last Friday on maiming as many people on the field as possible. And while getting tackled or pulled to the ground by your pony tail is embarrassing enough, no one should have to suffer the ignonimy of being dumped to the turf AND taking a soccer ball to the face; but by god there it is happening right before our eyes at 1:05. Oh, the humanity!

So Elizabeth Lambert's a jerk, and we all know that now, but seriously: who the hell were the referees for this game? I know soccer players are kind of notorious for flopping on the ground in agony at the slightest breeze to try and draw a card, but short of brandishing a pistol I'm not sure what else Lambert had to do to get a red card and be tossed from the game. Maybe she could've gone all Kano and ripped the goalkeeper's still-beating heart from her chest, taken a bite, and raised it triumphantly over her head at midfield. That's gotta be good for at least a yellow.

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From time to time, there are some things that we wonder about. Sometimes we make posts not knowing if they'll be appreciated or hated. We keep looking back at the comments, trying to judge what people want in a terribly codependent fashion. And then there are a few things that we just know on sight that our readers will enjoy. This is one of those times.

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